The Bourne Legacy: 3 Stars

Bathroom Meter: 3 out of 5 stars. It somehow manages to be edgy, action-packed, and mind-numbingly boring at the same time.

Much like this guy.

A simultaneous continuation of the Bourne series. When a top-secret government program tries to wipe out all the genetically modified killers it created, one of these operatives (Jeremy Renner) must flee in order to save his life.

Have I sat down to watch it? Yes, once.

Have I theater-watched it? No.

Main Audience Demographic: Mostly young dudes.

Audience reaction as they leave the theater: This movie is almost as divisive as Prometheus. Some people love it; some people despise it.

Best comment: “That was AWESOME!”

Worst comment: “God, that SUCKED!”

See it or not? If you haven’t seen the other Bourne movies, then go ahead and see this one. You might actually enjoy it. But if you’re a fan of the first films, then you will be sorely disappointed. Jeremy Renner (and his perpetually emotionless eyes) can never compare to Matt Damon. Damon is human; Renner is like a robot on steroids. He just doesn’t make you care enough.

“But, my biceps! Look at my biceps!”

And how could he, with a script as bad as this one? Honestly, all I remember him saying the entire movie was “The pills! The pills! I need my pills!” I’m pretty sure that’s what the movie’s about. I think he checked his pill box 40 times over the course of the film.

(We get it. You guys didn’t know what else to write about. There’s a reason why former director Paul Greengrass said it should be called The Bourne Redundancy.)

Rachel Weisz was pretty good, though. She had some opportunities for actual acting. Especially during a particularly disturbing scene with this guy:

Way more intimidating than Jeremy Renner will ever be.

All in all, the film was a confusing attempt to renew a franchise that Universal just isn’t ready to let go of yet. There are a couple cool fight scenes and a badass motorcycle chase, all filmed with the close-up, shaky camera work we’ve come to expect from the series. But other than that, the movie just feels like a directionless copy of the other ones. Without Matt Damon, you’re left with an empty feeling that only fades when you go home and watch Identity, Supremacy, or Ultimatum.

Let’s hope Universal learns from this and does whatever they can to get Damon back for Bourne 5. Which means they’ve got to do whatever they can to get Greengrass back as the director. The guy drives them crazy, because he’s notoriously wishy-washy, and he goes over budget all the time, but hey…Damon won’t sign on unless Greengrass is directing.

I’d suck it up and rehire him, Universal. What do you have to lose?

“What are you talking about, it’s been a great year for us.”

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